


Everything Happens for the Best

by DreamWithinADream



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-03 09:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamWithinADream/pseuds/DreamWithinADream
Summary: Darcy Lewis lost a lot when that big purple megalomaniac snapped his fingers.but that loss was only the beginning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been holding on to this story for what seems like an eternity. I fell, accidentally, into the darcyland world and have loved every second of it but this has been in my head for a while and needed to get out. 
> 
> This definitely isn't canon (and was written and finished well before the new trailer was released) 
> 
> Huge shoutout to my betas who really aren't into this fandom but read it for me anyway. Any mistakes are mine and feel free to let me know but please, be gentle. 
> 
> Title comes from the song of the same name by Billie Holiday

She shouldn’t have taken the job in Wakanda. 

Of course, she realized this  _ as _ she was walking through the hall  _ in Wakanda _ , the angry  _ tap tap _ of her sensible heels against the gilded floors of the building she could only refer to as a palace. 

She had been stupid, naive, when she had agreed after graduating from both Culver and the pile of NDAs that Shield had her sign. It had meant her job options were limited because if she couldn’t talk to her future employer about her internship with renowned scientist Jane Foster then she couldn’t explain the absence of two years of her life.

So when not-really-dead director Coulson had approached her with a list of job opportunities she had jumped at the chance. And really, when it all boiled down to it, it had been between London and Wakanda and well, London was still a tender spot. 

She should have done more research, known what she was diving into, she thought, as she mentally kicked herself for  _ not _ doing just that if only to stay far away from the city her sort of ex still resided in. 

But now, now she was only a few days in to what should be the job of her dreams and she was going to have to quit. 

“Hey, wait up Doll,” the voice called from behind her and she clenched her jaw and kept walking. 

Of course he would catch up to her. She wasn’t stupid. 

Super human or whatnot. 

Really though, when James Buchanan Barnes reached out to grasp her wrist, stopping her in her tracks, she really wanted to pull off his shiny metal arm and strangle him with it. 

“Look, Doll-” 

“ _ Don’t _ ,” she hissed, “ _ call me doll _ .” 

The man only smirked, a mirth in his eye that said that was now going to be the  _ only  _ thing he would call her. 

“You could have  _ told  _ me” she snapped at the man, yanking her arm away from him before she added with a hiss, “ _ White Wolf _ ” 

The man sighed, but the smirk didn’t leave his mouth, he was enjoying this way too much.  “What was I supposed to say? Better yet, when was I supposed to say it?” he said lowly and he took a step towards her, her own feet backed up of their own accord. 

“When I walked into the pub? When you struck up a conversation with me? When I bought you a drink?” he moved closer with each word until she was pressed between his chest and the wall. “When I was fucking you into the mattress?”

She sputtered and she hated that she wanted to both slap him and kiss him at that moment. 

Because of course she would find the one person in all of Wakanda that she shouldn’t engage with. And  _ of course _ she would invite him to her room. 

Of course. 

_ Fuck you Darcy _ , she thought to herself. 

“How about when you left early the next morning? Or, I don’t know, when I showed up to work this morning? Don’t act like you didn’t know it was me.You could have  _ warned  _ me.” 

The man pursed his lips but she had a feeling it was because he was trying not to grin down at her more than anything. 

“Maybe I didn’t want to-” he whispered, his warm breath fanning across her face and she felt a flutter in her belly as he leaned in closer, putting his arm on the wall by her head. 

“Yeah, well now I’ve made a fool of myself in front of Okoye and I’m pretty sure she’s plotting my murder and Shuri  _ definitely  _ wants to kill me because she has a giant crush on you and I'm not sure which one I’m more scared of and I really  _ hate _ you.” 

“Aw,” the man faked crooned, “Don’t be like that…Doll.” 

She would later say she had no idea what came over her as she reached up to slap him, but it didn’t matter anyway as his hand caught hers and he tugged her closer, capturing her lips once more with his. 

And yup, she  _ definitely _ should have picked London.

 

* * *

  
“Fuck you,” the man spat, tossing his bag down on the floor, “You think you have any say in what I can or can’t do.”

“Well, yes, actually-” Darcy started and she saw Shuri roll her eyes from where she was sitting on the other side of her desk. “Seeing as it’s  _ my job _ .” 

“No,” the man yelled, “You’re job is press relations, not where I spend my time, or who with.” 

She narrowed her eyes as she pushed her chair away from the desk and stood up, walking past the man, knowing he would follow. 

The room in the back was supposed to be a utility closet, but she knew, thanks to Shuri’s repeated experiments, that it was almost sound proof, and would keep their argument at least out of the ears of the other lab assistants that worked with Shuri. She knew the young woman would just pry it out of her later. 

He stalked in behind her, slamming the door hard on it’s hinges and she clenched her jaw as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

“You can’t just walk around willy nilly wherever you want-” 

“Steve will be there-” 

“Oh yeah, because I’m supposed to trust someone I’ve never met-” 

“ _ Why does it matter? _ ” the man bellowed and she flinched despite herself. 

It had been three months and six days since she had met James ‘ _ Call me Bucky _ ’ Barnes. And three months since she had realized that they were completely incompatible;but it didn’t matter. 

She was too far gone. 

They were like two bulls together, always knocking heads and locking horns, always fighting about  _ something _ . She was pretty sure they had a pool in the local pubs about who was going to snap on the other first to be honest, but there was just something about him. 

“It matters because you are under the protection of the Wakandan government and-” 

“Not that I don’t love it when you talk political to me but I really could care less Doll-” 

She groaned and threw up her hands, “Stop calling me that! Stop being reckless and stop trying to escape. You aren’t a prisoner here, you’re here for protection and for fuck’s sake just let them keep you safe!” 

There was a pause, a lull in the arguing, when all she could hear was the sound of the air conditioning through the vents, before he moved forward, pressing himself against her and capturing her lips with his own. 

Her hands were in his hair then, pulling him closer as her fingers tangled in the long strands, and he lifted her up. 

They made quick work of their pants, hers pooling together in a pile on the floor beneath their feet while he only pushed his down far enough to spring out his cock. 

And then they were joined and three months felt like a lifetime as he thrust in to her. She bit down on the shoulder of his real arm, not caring that she was leaving a wet mark on his shirt as he filled her up. His hands gripped her ass, fingers digging into the soft skin there roughly  and it didn’t take long before she was coming undone, biting her lip to keep from crying out as he too soon joined her. 

He set her down, her trembling legs barely holding her up before he fixed his trousers and she pulled her skirt back on. 

“I won’t go,” Bucky said softly, in the dark of the room, “But if they need me-” 

“They know where to find you,” Darcy acquiesced. 

He gave her one last, lingering look before he left.

 

* * *

 

It hadn’t taken him long to come back. 

And again and again he wound up with her. They would bicker, fight, she would threaten to rip his arm off and shove it up his own ass and he would poke and prod every single damn button she had but they would always end up together. 

“Just date him already,” Shuri said after one such episode that had resulted in Bucky cracking the camera in the elevator the two had ended up fucking in after they had argued about whether or not he should be able to watch the news as he avoided his triggers. 

“What?” Darcy asked, her mouth gaping slightly not least of which had to do with the fact that the girl was not so subtle about her crush on the man. 

Shuri smiled, “I’ve long since given up on him. Besides, he only has eyes for one of us and it isn’t me.” 

Darcy blushed but shook her head, “He hates me.” 

Shuri turned then, examining her, “There’s a fine line between love and hate Darcy Lewis.” 

She had merely narrowed her eyes at the young woman before her before she had answered a letter of  assistance, her mind reeling about whether or not she and James Barnes could even make it work. 

It wasn’t until later, after Shuri had shut down the lab and Darcy found herself walking down the well worn path to the little hut that he called home, that she realized she was doing this. 

With bated breath she wrung her hands as she called out “knock, knock” 

It only took him half a beat to pull back the curtain, a slow grin spreading across his face, “Well hello there Doll.” 

She let that one go.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re an idiot!” she yelled at him. 

“Not any more than you, Doll!” he roared back, his forehead creased.

She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to hit him. Good Lord what was it about this man?

“You could have died, you could have been seen. You put yourself and T’challa in danger and-” 

“And Steve needed me,” he yelled, “I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.” 

“Then you should have waited!” 

“For what?”

“For backup!” 

“Here’s a newsflash for you Doll, no one was coming.” 

“Why does it have to be you?” she screamed, her voice hoarse, “Why does it have to be  _ you.”  _

“If not me, then who?” his voice got louder, though seemingly impossible. 

“I don’t know. Anyone, anyone is better than you!” 

“ _ Why _ ?!” 

“Because I love you, you stupid asshole,” she screeched and she felt the fight drain out of her at that. “Because you just took off and you didn’t even say goodbye and all I could think was the last thing I said to him before he left was that if he didn’t stop drinking straight from the carton I would kill him.” 

She sighed and looked down at the carpet beneath her feet. Because she hadn’t meant to say it. Not like that; maybe not ever. 

The only sign she had that he had moved was the tips of his shoes in her vision before he tipped her chin up, looking at her earnestly. 

“I don’t expect you to say it back, I know you have your own shit- I didn’t even mea-” 

His lips cut her off as he kissed her vigorously his hands tangling in her hair as he held her tightly to him. 

He didn’t say it back. 

Not that day. 

But she knew what he meant. 

* * *

 

 

“Steve Rogers,” the man said from the hospital bed, his hand outstretched. He gave a grimace as he stretched and she hurried over to him quicker. 

“Darcy Lewis,” she said, meeting his gaze with a grin and taking his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet the man behind the legend.” 

The man grimaced again, though this time nothing to do with his rapidly healing bruised ribs. 

“I don’t even want to know what he’s been telling you,” he smiled and looked over her shoulder and Darcy turned to see Bucky leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Yeah, well, I’m sure he’s been returning the favor,” she laughed. “Though he didn’t mention you were growing out a beard. Awesome.” 

Steve chuckled and then coughed once, pressing the hand he had shaken hers with into his side. 

“Are you okay?” she asked stupidly, “I mean, do you need anything? Shuri is a wiz with the pain meds, though don’t ask me how I know that.” 

Steve smirked again but he looked behind her, “You’re right, she’s funny.” 

Bucky said nothing from behind her and she didn’t bother to turn around to look at the man. 

“Nah, I’m good, ready to get out of here though,” Steve said softly, “Bored out of my mind.” 

“Oh, right,” Darcy said, “I thought I’d help out with that. Not sure what you like exactly but I brought some of the classics and some new things,” she explained as she pulled a tablet out of her bag. “I put some books on there, movies, audio books because I wasn’t sure if you even liked to read and uh, some music.” 

The man smiled at her as he reached out again to accept it, “Thank you Miss Lewis.” 

“Oh, no,” Darcy said tightly, “No. No Miss Lewis. Darcy please, just Darcy.” 

Steve chuckled again, “Okay, thank you, Darcy.” 

She smiled once more as her Shuri issued kimoyo beads vibrated against her wrist. “Ugh, I have to go. We have a press release about what went down in Namibia and I have to be there. It was nice to meet you, finally.” 

“You too Darcy,” Steve said as she turned and met Bucky’s smirk. 

The man followed her out of the room and stopped her, grabbing her elbow, “Still think I should have left him?” 

“I  _ never, _ ” she started to argue but stopped when she saw him biting the inside of his cheek. She reached out, slapping his chest before he grabbed her hand and pulled her in, giving her a soft kiss on her lips. 

“Hurry back.” 

She merely shook her head as she walked away. 

 

* * *

 

“It’s coming,” Shuri was out of breath on her beads and Darcy nodded.   


“I’m helping Adaku move the children and then I’ll be there-” 

“No,” this voice was different and she saw Bucky move behind the other woman, His eyes hard. “Stay there-” 

“Like hell-” 

“There’s no time for this,” the man said roughly before the line was disconnected. 

Darcy rolled her eyes as she carried one of the children in her arms, his mother in front of her with her other two little ones in her arms. 

“Whatever this is,” Adaku said, appearing at her elbow with her spear up and her jaw tight, “It’s big.” 

Darcy sighed, “It always is.” 

She helped get the children settled before she turned to leave only to be met with a couple of broad chests. 

“Oh, come on,” she implored up at the men who merely shook their heads. She growled and slipped her hand in her purse, rummaging for the taser she always kept there, only to come up empty. 

With a heavy heart she sat down, her blood thundering in her ears, as she thought of all the ways she was going to murder Bucky Barnes. 

In the end, it hadn’t mattered. 

 

* * *

 

She was playing a game with some of the kids when it happened. The smallest girl, not yet a year old was sitting in her mom’s arms- or she had been. 

Darcy cried out as she watched as, one by one, people began to vanish. Children turning to dust before her eyes. 

She turned to look at the guards as the one on the left started to vanish, his friend calling out to him, trying to grab on to him. 

Darcy felt like she was going to vomit. 

Her only thought was of her team. 

Of Shuri. 

Okoye. 

T’challa. 

_ Bucky _ . 

The people who had become family to her; the people she loved. 

She ignored the panicked cries behind her as she ran past the remaining guard and ran up out of the safety of the underground shelter. 

The land was torn, ravaged, bleeding. 

But that wasn’t what stuck with her. 

She could hear the cries, the terrified screams of those who were left behind. 

Her hands were shaking as she ran out of the entrance and down the steps towards the mass of people. 

Of course it was Steve Rogers. 

His broad chest and sturdy arms that caught her. 

“Bucky,” she breathed, her only thought of the man who had inexplicably and infuriatingly stolen her heart. 

“Darcy,” the man said, his voice worn, “Darcy he’s-he’s gone.” 

It took her a moment to realize the screaming sound was coming from her own throat as she fought against the strong arms holding her. 

He was gone. 

He was gone. 

He was-

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait to post this but honestly, I have no willpower and it's already finished so why not?
> 
> Also, a tiny part of this story I borrowed from a great little story i'm following called "Sun in our eyes" by persephx  
> I'm new here and can't figure out how to message to ask if it's okay to borrow it but if you haven't checked out their story, do! It's great! (also, if you're persephx and you'd rather I change it, please let me know!) 
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Even if it's to tell me it's trash, so shoot me a comment, ask me a question, whatever you want. I promise to get back to you! 
> 
> Again, all mistakes are mine and please don't hesitate to point them out to me.

Steve Rogers wanted to be anywhere but where he was. 

He shook his head as he steadied his labored breathing, his knuckles white around the edge of the marble counter top and he took a deep breath as he relaxed his grip. The last thing he wanted to do was have to pay the swanky hotel to renovate their bathroom. 

He could hear the party, thanks- in part- to his enhanced hearing, in full swing. He wanted to be happy, to celebrate the happy couple. 

He forced himself to stand up straight and straightened the sleeves of his dress shirt. 

It had been a year and six days since the incident the public was- so aptly- calling  _ The crumbling _ . It had been a year and six days since he had done anything other than work on figuring out how to fix it. 

It wasn’t just the public outcry that propelled him forward. 

It wasn’t just that his best friends were gone. 

His hands shook as he closed his eyes and tilted his head, working out the knots that had seemed to take up residence permanently in his too tense neck as he thought of that day. 

Of the feral screams as he held Darcy Lewis back. 

She had clawed and screamed and hit him until she had just stopped. 

That had been the worst. 

The lack of emotion as he had promised her he would figure it out. 

He felt like he wasn’t doing enough, even still. 

He felt like he was the only one doing anything. 

“Hey, there you are,” the door opened and Tony Stark popped his head in, “Get out here and mingle Cap.” 

Steve would have said no, would have turned him down and called it a night, but he knew they needed this. 

Everyone. 

“Coming,” he said instead and let Tony hold the door for him. 

The wedding had been beautiful, Pepper had looked amazing in her dress, a small bump under her soft lace bodice of her white dress. Tony’s most prized possessions. 

“Steve,” the bride smiled as he approached with Tony by his side, “There you are, you remember Darcy Lewis don’t you?”

Steve felt his stomach plummet as he turned to look at the woman before him. 

“Hello Miss Lewis,” he said softly. 

She shook her head, “I thought we agreed before, It’s-” 

“Darcy-” Steve corrected himself with a small grin, “Right, sorry. It’s nice to see you again.” 

He didn’t know what else to say. 

“Well, we’re going to go say hi to Pepper’s crazy aunt,” Tony said and he pulled Pepper away, “You two have fun.” 

Darcy narrowed her eyes at the retreating figures, “Why do I feel like we just got played?”

Steve scoffed, “We definitely got played.” 

A waiter passed, a tray perched on his arm and Steve stopped him, grabbing two flutes of champagne before handing one to Darcy. 

They were silent, awkward, before Steve spoke. 

“Do you uh- do you wanna go for a walk? Get some air?”

“Jesus, yes,” Darcy said, downing the rest of her drink before they both walked out of the room. 

The wedding had been on the beach and the hotel was beachfront property. Steve idly wondered if Tony had rented out the entire hotel or bought the place just for this occasion. 

“So-” Darcy said as they walked down the path. “This is awkward.” 

Steve couldn’t help it, he laughed. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” 

They walked in silence for a moment before Steve said, “I’m sorry-” 

Darcy stopped and turned, studying him from under her long lashes, “Why the hell are you sorry?”

Steve sighed and shook his head as he took another step and waited only as Darcy slipped off her heels, holding them with two fingers as she followed him onto the sand. “I could have done more. Should have done more. It- it should have been me.” 

Darcy frowned and he looked at her in the light from the moon. 

“Why would you say that?”

Steve shrugged, “It’s true.” 

Darcy shook her head, a lone curl falling out of her pins and over her forehead as she did, “That’s bullshit.” 

Steve pursed his lips. 

“It is,” Darcy said adamantly, “To say that one person deserved to live more than another? That’s absolute horse shit and you  _ know _ if Bucky was here, he’d be saying the same thing.” 

Steve blinked but felt the corner of his lips pull up. He could hear it. Could see the man’s face as he said it in his head. 

“You know I’m right,” Darcy laughed, “I know you do.” 

Steve shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged but said nothing more as he turned to look out over the water. “I guess I just wonder when things will be okay again.” 

Darcy moved out of the corner of his eye and he turned his head to see her bending down to pick up a lone seashell. “They won’t.” 

Her blunt words made his breath catch in his throat. 

“Things won’t be okay. We- we lost too much. But people…  _ they’ll _ be okay. Eventually.” 

Steve was silent as he took in her deep words before they started walking again down the beach. “And you, are you okay?”

“I’m...better,” she said softly, “better than I was. Working helps.” 

“Where are you working now?” he asked. 

“With Pepper,” she grinned, “That woman is a beast. She already has plans in place for when she has the baby and I’m learning  _ so much _ . It’s- it’s nice.”

Steve smiled down at her, an actual authentic smile as he saw the spark in her eyes. “I’m happy to hear it.” 

She pauses then and he turned to meet her gaze, “How are  _ you _ Steve?” 

Steve shook his head, “I’m- it doesn’t matter.” 

“Stop that,” Darcy said forcefully, her hand reaching out to squeeze his arm. “Don’t act like your pain doesn’t matter. You don’t always have to be a macho man-” 

“I’m not being a-” he started to argue before he saw the sly little smirk on her lips. He chuckled despite himself before he nodded, “I’m trying. I’ve been working on finding out how to bring them back; to find them. It just- it feels like every turn I take is the wrong one and then I’m faced with a dead end and have to back track to try to work out a different path.” 

“Sounds exhausting,” Darcy said quietly, before she added, “sounds like you need a map.” 

Steve said nothing but nodded his head. 

They had walked the length of the hotel then, ending up outside of the open doors that led back to the reception, still in full swing. 

It was on a whim, as they stood outside, listening to the sounds of the party inside, that Steve reached out and held his hand out to the woman before him. 

She paused a moment before she took it and let him pull her into his arms. 

They danced until the sounds had died down and the music no longer played. 

And for the first time since he had watched his friend disappear, it seemed like Steve felt something other than pain. 

 

* * *

 

“No, I’m sure, but thank you,” Steve said to the woman before him once more. 

He tried to keep his response light as he turned his eyes away from the ample bosom she was trying to showcase. 

“Oh, come on, one drink and a dance won’t hurt. It’s for charity, right. I mean, you wouldn’t really turn down a good cause would you?” the woman just wouldn’t stop. Steve was actually thinking about dancing with her if only to get her to leave him alone but he was pretty sure if he opened up those gates, they wouldn’t close again. 

“Hey, there you are,” a soft voice said and he turned as a small hand slipped through his arm where he had his hand in his pocket, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” 

“Darcy,” he said as he turned to look at her, reading the warning in her eyes. She was trying to help him. “I thought you were going to be late.” 

“Oh,” she waved her hand, “Pepper said I could leave a little early. Who is your friend?”

“Oh,” Steve said, turning to the woman before him, “this is uh- Amanda?”

“April,” the woman corrected loftily.

“Right, sorry. She was just trying to get me to dance for, what was it, charity?”

The woman scowled, though not much of her face moved, before Darcy leaned in to him a little more, and she bit out, “something like that.” 

“Well, it was nice to meet you Amber,” Darcy said, “we should get back to Pepper and Tony.” 

The woman growled under her breath as Steve pulled his hand out of his pocket and gestured for Darcy to lead the way. 

He waited until they were sufficiently away from the woman before he leaned in to her, “Thank you, for that.” 

Darcy grinned up at him, “Of course.” 

“Oh, there they are!” Tony said as they approached the table in the back that Steve hadn’t seen when he had entered. “You saved his ass Lewis.” 

“Not a big thing,” Darcy laughed as Steve pulled out a chair for her and she settled into it. 

“I would have done it,” Pepper said as she ran her finger tips over her large abdomen, “if I could get up.” 

“Aw Pep, Lewis had it handled,” Tony said with a grin as he sat down beside his wife and wrapped an arm around the back of her chair before he pressed a kiss to her temple. 

“That she did,” the woman smiled, “Speaking of, I was hoping to be able to get you alone later to discuss it but I don’t think I’m going to be able to get up and leave without a million and one people following me. In any case, I was hoping you’d be able to handle things for me when I go on maternity leave here in a few weeks.” 

Darcy froze from beside him and Steve looked at her to see her looking back at Pepper with wide eyes, “Me?”

“Of course, you’re the best person I know for the job.” 

“And you’re family,” Tony said with a grin, “Basically. I still want that DNA test.” 

Darcy rolled her eyes at the man but looked back to Pepper, “I would be- honored.” 

“Good, now, I need some of that cake. Tony, find the nearest waiter.” 

Tony jumped up and Steve had to laugh at the absurdity of seeing the man so hands on. He looked towards Darcy to see her too laughing at the mans retreating back. 

She turned, meeting Steve’s gaze, before she leaned in with a whisper, "never thought I’d see the day.” 

Steve grinned back in response, “Neither did I.” 

The two laughed lightly before Steve was pulled away from the conversation by some politician or another and by the time he had spotted Darcy again- from across the room- the party had begun to wind down. 

He was just about to leave when he felt a hand slip through his arm and he looked down to see Darcy looking up at him from underneath her thick, dark lashes, “Walk a girl home Cap?”

Steve smiled, “I’d love to.” 

He was surprised, as he walked Darcy through the halls of Stark tower, to find that she lived within the halls. Her apartment was only one floor below the one that he called his own when he was visiting. 

“So, this is really awkward but-” Darcy started, “I was wondering if you’d like to come in and binge watch The Office with me and down a couple cartons of ice cream.” 

Steve looked down at her, perplexed. 

“Well, it’s- uh, it’s my birthday and as much as I’m okay with being alone-” 

“I’d love to,” Steve said quietly. 

And he did. 

* * *

 

The knock on his door a few months later was not that unexpected. 

He had flown in a few nights before but hadn’t said much of anything to anyone. He hadn’t really known why he just knew that he hadn’t wanted to be so far away from home on Bucky’s birthday. 

Darcy and he had exchanged numbers after her own birthday. He hadn’t really known why until she randomly started sending him moving pictures of cats that she called ‘gifs.’ It hadn’t taken him long to figure out how to send them back. Thanks in part to Shuri’s keen interest in ‘technological advancing the antiques’ as Natasha so kindly put it. 

He texted her nearly every day since or she did him. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to her messages at the end of a mission. 

“Just ask her out,” Natasha said to him before he left and Steve had balked. 

“No,” he said plainly. 

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, “Why?”

He had only shaken his head as he boarded the jet to come back. 

So the knock on his door early that day wasn’t really a surprise. 

“Hey,” she said quietly when he opened the door. “I- uh- I just want to be anywhere but here.” 

Steve nodded, “Me too.” 

They took one of Tony’s cars, which Darcy had assured him was okay and Steve pretended not to know that she was bold faced lying to him. 

They ended up on a beach with the top down, the silence between them heavy but not uncomfortable. 

Until Darcy broke it. 

“Tell me a story?”” 

He couldn’t help but oblige. 

So he told her of the first time he had met Bucky Barnes and of their friendship. He told her of the time he had tried to impress a girl by entering some stupid hot dog eating contest and convinced Steve to do the same only to end up sick as a dog while Steve vomited on the bus ride home. 

They collapsed together across the bench seat, laughing hard, their heads side by side as they looked up at the stars that had started to shine. 

“It’s different now,” Darcy said quietly and he turned his head slightly to see her, “There’s not so much pollution, the stars are brighter, easier to see.” 

Steve could only hum in agreement. 

“I hated him,” she said softly and Steve was quiet as she started to talk. “At first. I mean, mostly all of the time. We fought about everything and I’m pretty sure he liked to push me into a fight just because he could. But sometimes, sometimes it wasn’t like that. Sometimes he would just turn really quiet and get a far away look in his eyes and I’d know then that he was there. In Russia. In the Ice. In his Winter Soldier mind. Wherever he was that wasn’t with me. But then he’d come back and he’d say something stupid and we’d make up and it would just be calm until the next fight.” 

Steve laughed lightly, “It sounds like Bucky.” 

It was Darcy’s turn to hum at that and she turned to look at him this time, their noses brushing, “Sometimes I wonder if we would still be together. If he were here or if we would have burned up. Burnt out.He never told me he loved me back.” 

Steve studied her face, up close, and finally he turned to look back up at the stars, “Bucky loved you. I could see it. Words wouldn’t have changed that.” 

He was silent for a moment before he felt her arm move, and then her hand slipped into his, giving it a squeeze. 

They were still laying like that when the rain started and they both sat upright as Darcy let out a shriek. 

“Tony is going to kill us isn’t he?” Steve asked as he helped her up and out and they put the top up. 

Darcy laughed, “You betcha.” 

 

* * *

 

Morgan Stark was born in May.  Steve was waiting in the waiting room, Darcy’s head on his lap as he read a book and she played a game on her tablet. His fingers were weaved in her hair and it wasn’t until he looked up from his book to check the time that he saw Natasha across the room, giving him a very pointed look. 

He ignored her as he went back to reading, his hands absently continuing their journey through Darcy’s locks. 

When Tony, proud papa, came out no one said anything about his red rimmed eyes or his stuffy nose. No one cared. 

It wasn’t until they were led back to the nursery to see the new little arrival, that Steve realized Darcy hadn’t let go of his hand; their fingers intertwined. 

 

* * *

 

“I’m dying,” Darcy moaned and Steve laughed as he moved into her apartment, shutting the door softly behind him. 

“You’re not,” he assured her as he set the bag down on the counter. 

“I am,” she whined again, “and nobody cares.” 

Steve laughed as he pulled out the styrofoam container of soup out of the bag and opened it before he moved to grab a bowl off of Darcy’s wooden dish rack, pouring a generous helping. 

“Darcy, sweetheart, you have the flu,” he said as he moved across the room with a tray of soup and crackers. “Not the plague.” 

She snorted which led to a cough, “Might as well be.” 

He smiled as he helped her to sit up and put the tray over her legs, “Pepper sends her love and wishes she could have brought this but-” 

“But I would have murdered her if she got Morgy sick.” 

Steve laughed, “Yes, that is most definitely what she said.” 

Darcy narrowed her eyes, “I know it’s not but I’ll let it slide.” 

Steve smiled but it pulled into a frown as he noticed the flush to her cheeks, “Have you taken any medicine lately?”

Darcy sneezed in response. “I did, Doctor Steve.” 

Steve grunted but moved anyway, pressing his lips gently to her forehead as he braced himself on the back of the couch. 

Darcy froze beneath him and he kicked himself, “Sorry, I- uh,” he stammered as he pulled away, “You’re burning up.” 

Darcy didn’t say anything, choosing instead to study her soup as she took a small spoonful. 

Steve grimaced but stood up, “I’m going to get you some more meds and a Gatorade, you eat.” 

He made his way to her bathroom, only to find that the bottle of fever reducer was not in the cabinet. He sighed as he searched around until he got to her bedroom. The pills were on the bedside table and he moved to grab them freezing as he saw the picture on her bedside. 

It was one he hadn’t seen before, of Darcy and Bucky, their arms around each other as Darcy took the selfie and Bucky pressed his lips to her cheek. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he grabbed the medicine and walked out. 

Darcy was asleep by the time he returned and he smiled as he moved the tray from her lap and covered her back up. He was about to leave, to come back later to make sure she had taken her medicine, when she reached out, her hand grabbing his. 

“Stay with me?” she asked groggily. 

Steve nodded as he moved to sit down, pulling her legs into his lap and ignoring the pit that was forming in the hollow of his gut.

* * *

 

Steve had stopped commuting to Wakanda. His tactical gear was hanging in the back of his closet.

He kept his beard, though he wasn’t sure why. 

But he continued working. He used Tony’s labs, working through the things he would find in his research, sending what he could find to Shuri who, he knew, was still working effortlessly to bring her brother back. 

It was how Tony found him, a few months later.

“You look like shit,” he said as he walked into the lab, a fussing baby Morgan strapped to his chest, “And that’s saying something as I haven’t slept in a week.” 

Steve ignored the man’s barbs and sighed, holding his hands out as Tony took the baby out of his carrier and deposited him into Steve’s large and capable hands. 

Pepper had since gone back to work part time, though it helped that the baby was never far from her location. In the interim, Tony played doting dad but Morgan had picked his favorites and neither of them had helped in his creation. 

“You and Lewis have a magic touch,” Tony said as Steve shifted the baby to cradle against his chest. He’d long since realized that his own heart must be louder than that of his mother and father’s and so Morgan liked to lay cuddled up with his ear pressed against Steve’s chest. 

Steve smiled down at the little guy before he turned back to his research. 

“Whatcha workin on?” Tony asked as he pulled the book from under Steve’s hands and then he frowned. “Steve-” 

“They’re out there, somewhere,” Steve said quietly, gently pulling the book back to him. 

“Steve, it’s been-” 

“No-” Steve said, his voice a little louder and the baby in his arms jumped. He sighed, “They’re out there Tony. We’re going to get them back.” 

Tony was quiet then and Steve finally, looked over at him, “You know she won’t stay with you right? if you get him back?” 

Steve felt his back tense at that but he kept on perusing the pages. Because he already knew. He had calculated the risk/reward ratio; he knew what he stood to lose. But Bucky was his best friend, Sam was his best friend. T’challa had a family. Fury, Maria Hill, Jane Foster, Darcy’s mom, every single damned person that had disappeared in a cloud of dust. 

He couldn’t give up on that. 

On them. 

So despite it all, he kept fighting. 

“She loves you, you know,” Tony said softly, from across the workbench where he had picked up some little odd or end to take apart and put back together. “She might not know it yet, but she does.” 

Steve shook his head, “It doesn’t matter.” 

And it didn’t. 

Because as much as he hadn’t wanted to, he had fallen for Darcy Lewis. But she wasn’t his to have. And he would do well to remember it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my world brighter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! 
> 
> I love each and every one of you that has taken the time to comment and give kudos! I'm really new to this and really just thought it would be a flop! So glad to know some people are reading! 
> 
> This isn't a very long work, but as I said before, it is finished! 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own. 
> 
> definitely not canon but again, I wrote this a long time ago and I kind of needed to go away from what I *suspect* will be happening in Endgame to make this story work. Artistic liberties or whatnot.

Ice cream became their thing. 

Darcy had a penchant for always having at least one tub of it in her freezer even before the whole falling in line with superheroes thing. But now, now it was an easy treat to forget the stress of the day and she kept it in copious amounts. 

“So you have anything planned this weekend?” Pepper asked from where she sat in her chair, her fingers tapping along steadily to the keyboard she wasn’t looking at. 

“Uh, Steve had talked about coming over for some Ben and Jerry's and some Supernatural...why?” 

“Oh,” Pepper said, “I just thought, July 4th…” 

“Yeah,” Darcy sighed, “It’s not that I’m not patriotic, I just don’t know that the world is in the right frame of mind to be blowing shit up still.” 

Pepper laughed, “Well yes, obviously, but no, I was talking about Steve’s birthday.” 

Darcy choked, “Excuse me?”

Pepper frowned, “You didn’t know?”

Darcy swore under her breath as she stood up, closing her tablet and slipping her feet back into her shoes. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a super soldier to murder.” 

Pepper smiled as she turned back to her computer, “Go for the head honey.” 

Darcy saluted the woman and marched off asking Friday as she went for Steve Roger’s location. 

Which was how she found him in the gym with Natasha. 

“Hey Nat,” she said as she entered and the blonde woman nodded her head once in greeting before she turned back to Steve. 

The two said something quietly and she slowed her pace as she saw the stiff set of Steve’s shoulders and the frown on the assassin’s face. 

Natasha smiled at her as she left but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Everything okay?” she asked as she approached Steve. 

“Yeah,” he panted, “Just fine, why?”

She looked after Natasha's retreating figure before she decided against prying. It wasn’t her place. “No reason, did you uh..forget to tell me something about this weekend?”

Steve glanced at her as he moved towards the bench in the corner of the room and she followed behind. Without a second thought he reached down to pull the sweaty t-shirt he was wearing off and over his head. 

Darcy almost swallowed her tongue. 

“Tony tell you?” he asked finally. 

“Pepper actually,” Darcy said and she mentally high fived herself for not letting it come out in an awkward squeak as she pulled her eyes away from the man’s midsection. 

Steve shook his head, “it’s not a big deal-” 

Darcy quirked a brow. “You’re turning how old tomorrow and it’s not a big deal?”

“You have got to stop hanging out with Tasha-” he laughed as he took her facial expression in, “And besides, doesn’t everyone want to forget their birthday at some point, i’m not against celebrations just.. Not sure it’s the right time for one.” 

Darcy sighed, “Fine, but we’re doing something. Just you and me.” 

It was Steve’s turn to sigh but he nodded, “Deal.” 

Which was how she found herself behind the wheel of Tony’s car -  _ I got permission this time Steve _ \- with her best friend beside her. 

And that’s what he was, she realized as she drove. 

But he was also more. 

What had started out as a tentative friendship had grown into something more. 

She shook away the thoughts as they drove, listening to Billie Holiday while they cruised towards the open air market at the pier. 

“Anything you want for your birthday?” she asked him as they walked side by side, their arms bumping together, towards the little flea market. 

Steve shook his head, “I’m already spending time with you.” 

She grinned and hip checked him, laughing as she walked ahead of him. They meandered through the stalls together-and apart- like they had the last few times they had come to this particular market together. 

Darcy had been admiring a pair of hand beaded earrings when she realized that she hadn’t seen Steve in a while. She set them down and turned, hoping to find him behind her as she so often did but coming up short. 

She moved through the tents, unsure of why her heart was beating so quickly against her ribs until she spotted him. 

The woman he was talking to was long and lean, her legs were clad in nice jeans and her blonde hair was curled around her shoulders. Darcy felt inadequate- in her cut off denim shorts, black sabbath t-shirt and messy bun-as she watched the woman touch Steve’s arm, leaning in to say something to him. Steve laughed, his head tipping back slightly and Darcy felt like someone had punched her in the gut. 

And then she felt sick. 

She thought she was going to throw up as she froze, moving back into the shadows of the tent she had stopped in as she watched the scene before her. Her chest was tight and her stomach was churning because as she stood, watching Steve Rogers talk to the leggy blonde she realized that she didn’t want him to talk to her. It was selfish and terrible because he was Bucky’s best friend. But somewhere, along the way, she had fallen for Steve Rogers. 

She waited a few seconds more, steadying her shaking knees before she propelled herself forward and slid in next to the man. 

“Hey sweetheart,” he said softly as he met her eyes, and she saw the frown that started to mar his handsome features, “You okay?”

She didn’t know what to say so she simply nodded and forced her lips up in to some semblance of a smile. 

“Let’s get some ice cream,” she said instead and he smiled down at her. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

They were quiet as they walked together, side by side but no longer touching and Darcy tried to determine just when she had let this happen but came up short. It wasn’t like with Bucky; it never had been. With Bucky it had been like two fires raging and converging, spreading; it was quick and consuming. With Steve it had been silent and slow, like snow falling in the winter he had come in and buried her and she had let him. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Steve asked softly as they walked towards the little shop that sold the best soft serve cones. “We can go home if you want.” 

Darcy looked up at him then, at the softness of his eyes that seemed to only see  _ her _ . “I’m sure,” she smiled, “Besides we can’t go home without an ice cream.” 

He nodded and they both got their cones, walking together back towards the car as they ate the dripping mess in their hands. 

“This was a terrible idea,” Steve said as he licked at the dripping liquid down his hand, “It’s too hot for ice cream.” 

“No terrible ideas Steve,” Darcy argued with a grin, “Only terrible execution.” 

The man chuckled at that and leaned down to lick his cone. Darcy got a wicked gleam in her eye as she pushed his hand towards his face, smearing his quickly melting ice cream on his cheek. 

She laughed as Steve stood, mouth agape in shock and it only made her laugh harder. 

With a quick flick of his fingers, Steve flicked her ice cream cone but she smartly dodged the little rivulets of cream that had flown at her before she dropped her cone in the closet trash can, still laughing. 

“Here,” she said after a moment of watching him struggle to wipe his face, “Come here.” 

He eyed her for a moment and she held up her white napkin, giving it a little shake, “I surrender, I promise.” 

He moved towards her then and she swiped at the hair on his beard and cheek, her thumb passing over his bottom lip. 

He froze under her hand, his eyes meeting hers once more, and then, then she was pressing herself against him, her lips meeting his. 

The melting ice cream and their mess long forgotten. 

* * *

She was avoiding him.

She wished she could say it was because she had realized how stupid it was to fall in love with your somewhat deceased boyfriend’s best friend but she couldn’t. 

In fact, she couldn’t really even tell herself _why_ she had been avoiding him. 

All she knew was that she had been and now he was on a mission- their first real one in months- and she had been walking past the control room to hear Nat yelling for medics to emergency evac  _ Nomad _ . 

Steve. 

She hadn’t been able to move then as she tried to listen in until someone had wised up and shut the door. 

Which was how she found herself walking aimlessly through the halls as she tried not to think about what the hell could be taking them so long. 

She should have been working. 

Should have been completing the tasks Pepper had asked her to but she was useless at the moment. 

All she could think about was him. 

“They’re here,” A voice said to her left and she turned, surprised to see Pepper walking towards her, “Steve is okay but-” 

She didn’t hear the rest as she hurtled herself down the hallway towards the incoming ramp. 

The doors were just opening then, and she froze as she took sight of Steve, battle worn and bloody. His sleeve was ripped and blood stains seemed to be more prominent on his dark suit than anything else. 

He saw her, his own stride pausing in mid step as he took her in. 

“Hey sweetheart,” he said softly, “Are you okay?” 

And then she was hurtling herself at him and she was holding his face in her hands and kissing him as much as she could. 

He was chuckling, promising her that he was okay and that yes, he would go to the medic bay to be looked over, but yes he was okay. 

She didn’t notice the knowing look Natasha threw at Steve over her shoulder as she helped a limping Bruce Banner back into the tower. 

* * *

Darcy put the picture of her and Bucky away before Steve stayed the night for the first time.

She wasn’t sure why but she tucked it away safely inside the little drawer on her bedside table.  She didn’t doubt that she had loved Bucky, or that he had loved her, but it was different with Steve. It was easy; as natural as breathing. 

He was calm and gentle in every way Bucky wasn't and the only buttons he liked to push were the buttons to get her coffee ready in the morning. 

She hated to compare the two, she tried very hard not to, but sometimes, when she was lying in bed, unable to sleep because Steve was on a mission or her thoughts had drifted to those they had lost, she wondered if this was how it was supposed to have been all along. 

She hated herself for thinking it. 

She thought it nonetheless. 

“Hey sweetheart,” Steve rolled over, his voice thick with sleep as his hand came up to rub at her bare shoulder. “You okay?”

Darcy turned her head, realizing she had been lost in her own world, “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

Steve leaned in then and pressed his lips to her shoulder, “It’s okay not to be okay with this,” his words were quiet in the dark; hesitant, nervous. 

Darcy rolled over herself then, smiling as he moved with her as though they had planned it. Her legs moved to straddle him, feeling his want pressing against her core. 

She rubbed down, feeling the heat pooling between her thighs as she leaned down to capture his lips with her own. 

“Does it feel like I’m okay?” she teased. 

Steve grinned, his hands sliding down to her hips where the sheet had drifted. “Feels more than okay doll.” 

Her breath caught in her throat as she stared down at the face of the man before her. A man who was so vastly different than the one who had once called her that just to annoy her. She was no longer that woman though. _That_ woman had long since crumbled to dust with so many others. 

Instead she swallowed and leaned down to brush her lips along Steve’s, feeling the brush of his beard against her chin before she moved so that his cock was pushing in to her; filling her. 

They moved together, her hands on his chest, and she came feeling the strong and steady  _ thump thump _ of his heartbeat beneath her palm. 

He came soon after; her name was like an oath on his lips, whispered against her glistening skin. 

They laid together after, her head on his chest and his fingertips walking up and down her spine. She turned her head, just slightly, and his large hand reached down to push a piece of dark hair out of her face as their eyes met. 

“I love you,” she said in the quiet of the moment, her heart beating so quick upon her ribs that she wondered if he could hear it. “You don’t-” 

He cut her off as he flipped them over, his strong arms caging her in as he kissed her before he pulled back and when his blue eyes met hers, she knew what he was going to say before he said it. 

“I love you too sweetheart.”

* * *

 

It was a few more months before they actually moved in together.

Even then he asked her if she wanted to keep her apartment as they signed the lease on their own. He was kind and generous and always, always made sure she was okay with the developments in their relationship. 

She smiled and told him to stop being such a Hufflepuff and then put on the movies to explain the reference. 

Apparently saving the world didn’t leave much time for reading fictional books about boy wizards who also saved the world. 

They were laying in bed taking the sorting quiz-  _ I’m not a hufflepuff _ \- when he got the call to assemble. 

She tried not to let him hear how scared she was as he dressed and grabbed his shield before he moved to kiss her goodbye. 

“Be safe,” she whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers, “Please.” 

He smiled at her, though it wasn’t his usual kind of smile as he raised up her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “I’ll do my best sweetheart.” 

And that was enough. 

It had to be. 

She walked him to the door, holding his hand tightly in hers before she let him go. 

“I love you,” he whispered, pushing her hair out of her face. 

“I love you too,” she responded in kind and with one last kiss she watched him take off for the roof of their building. 

With a heavy heart she went back to their bed and breathed in his pillow, trying not to remember what it looked like when those babies started to disappear in their mother’s arms. 

And failing miserably.    
  


* * *

 

Pepper found her like that two days later, her raised brow and perfectly pressed business suit left no room for arguments as she demanded, with her son in her arms, that Darcy be up and dressed in fifteen. 

They found themselves in the park downtown as they ate a picnic quietly. 

“I miss Tony too,” Pepper said, “Every damned time they get a call, I hope to God or Thor or whoever is listening that he won’t suit up and go.” 

Darcy pursed her lips as she watched Morgan pulling himself up on the picnic basket. She said nothing. 

Pepper continued, “And then I realized that life goes on. Just like it did before and just like it will tomorrow. Tony is doing what he can and so is Steve and it’s our job to keep things going here.” 

Darcy turned then, meeting her bosses eye, “What if he leaves me? What if he realizes I’m not enough?”

Pepper reached out to her, cupping her face in her palm, before she smiled, “Oh honey, that is the biggest load of horse shit I’ve ever heard.” 

Darcy laughed then, an actual laugh, as she turned her head away from her friend just as Morgan reached out to her, his feet planting on the blanket beneath him, once, twice, three times. 

“Did he just…?”

“Yup,” Darcy smiled. 

Pepper squealed as she moved to grab her son from where he had fallen backwards- nearly missing the pie- before she turned, “Don’t tell Tony.” 

Darcy laughed, “I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

* * *

It was two weeks before they returned home.

Darcy had fallen asleep in front of the television, a half eaten pint of Hulk-a-Hulk-a-Burning-Fudge melting on the coffee table and  _ It’s a Wonderful Life _ playing in the background. She felt someone pick her up and she groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. 

“Steve?” 

“Yeah sweetheart, it’s me.” 

She snuggled in closer, feeling his arms tighten around her before she drifted back off to sleep.

* * *

 

The smell of coffee woke her. She stirred and rolled out of bed, groaning as her bare feet met the cold wood floor beneath their bed.

She heard Steve’s phone ring and she stopped as she reached for her glasses beside the bed and slipped them on before she moved toward the living room. 

“Hey, you didn’t wake-” she stopped as she saw Steve standing in their living room, his back stiff; business like. “Steve?”

He broke his vigil then and she saw that his phone was still by his ear, the remote clenched in his other and the look in his eye made her breath catch in her throat. She turned, not knowing what to expect as the too blonde reporter yammered excitedly on the TV. 

And then. 

And then...

“They’re back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me some love?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was part of the whole idea that sparked this entire story. 
> 
> I hope I did it justice!   
> I have absolutely loved seeing the response to this story! I hope you stick around! 
> 
> Any mistakes are mine! 
> 
> Not canon.   
> because the beard had to stay.

Darcy had walked out, her hair a mess and her legs bare beneath his grey ARMY t-shirt and all he could think of was Bucky. 

He should have been happy, ecstatic. 

And he was. 

But there was a part of him that watched Darcy walk out of their room, tousled from sleeping in the crook of his arm the night before, that felt her being ripped away in every fiber of his being. 

“They’re back,” he said simply as he watched her watch the television. 

One hand was over her mouth, pressing tight against her lips and he could hear, even from across the room, the catch in her breath. As though she was forgetting how to breathe. He wanted to go to her but he couldn’t get his feet to cooperate. 

Instead he watched as she held one hand tightly against her mouth and the other on her stomach, her eyes taking in the news footage, the first of it as people began to appear out of nowhere in the middle of London. 

She ran then, her bare feet slapping the floor as she hit the bathroom and Steve propelled himself into action, holding her hair back as she emptied her stomach into the toilet.

* * *

 

“Is he?” she asked as she joined him in the kitchen where he had gone to get her a glass of water. 

Steve was quiet as he filled the glass and shook his head, “Tony just told me to turn on the news. We don’t know yet-” 

“But...how?”

Steve shrugged, “Shuri? Maybe? She told me last night she thought she was close.” 

Darcy breathed, her eyes closed. He should have woken her when he arrived. Should have told her about seeing the Princess. Instead he had picked her up and carried her to their bed. Consequences be damned. 

She should hate him. He hated himself. 

“So, we go to Tony?”

Steve looked up at her, his eyes searching for the anger he knew should be there and coming up short. 

“We can- if you want.” 

Darcy was quiet, her eyes moving back to the television again. 

It was muted now but Steve didn’t need the sound to know that the world was, once more, in upheaval. 

“Jane, T’Challa…” Darcy said quietly before she turned to look at him, “They could all-” 

Steve nodded, “Sam and Bucky too.” 

She swallowed but said nothing more, her eyes once more drifting to the television. 

“We’ll go to the tower,” he said finally. “Tony is there. Pepper.” 

“Okay,” Darcy agreed quietly, “I’ll get dressed.” 

Steve watched her go, the all encompassing feeling of loss growing with each step she took away from him. 

* * *

The tower was buzzing with excited energy; a mess of reporters had already camped outside every entrance and as Steve and Darcy arrived, they could hear their names being called from different directions. 

Steve led her inside, his hand finding her lower back out of habit as he tried not to watch her from behind his dark aviators. 

They were silent as they walked through the main floor lobby and into the elevators, a security guard behind them, though for what Steve couldn’t be certain. 

They were alone in the elevator again and Steve leaned against the back wall, his head was reeling before Darcy slid her small hand into his. 

“Steve, I-” she started before she stopped and shook her head, “I need to tell you something. I’m-” 

The elevator stopped and Darcy jumped as the doors slid open and two other people entered their space. 

Steve looked down at Darcy, seeing her frown as she chewed nervously on her bottom lip. 

“Darce?”

“I’ll tell you later,” she said softly, her eyes looking pointedly at the other people with them. 

Steve nodded, the heavy weight buried within his gut growing ever larger at her words as he turned to look at the doors, counting their way up. 

 

* * *

Steve wasn’t sure what he expected. 

As the elevator doors opened and the occupants flooded out, it wasn’t to see Bucky leaning against Stark’s empty bar, looking not a minute older than the last time he had seen him. 

“Hey old man,” the man said with a grin as he moved towards him. 

Steve grinned despite himself, letting the man sweep him into a hug. 

“Looks like you’ve got some gray coming in there punk-” the man said and Steve chuckled lightly. 

“Well, you’re still older-”

Bucky laughed, “It doesn’t matter who is older just who looks it and-” the man’s voice trailed off and Steve looked up at him, seeing the man’s gaze as it settled behind him. 

Steve didn’t need to know who he was seeing. 

He stepped aside, moving out of their path as he cleared the way. 

Steve wasn’t sure what he expected; what he  _ wanted _ . As he turned to see Darcy standing on the other side of the room, Bucky’s words had died on his tongue.

“You came,” the man finally said, his voice so soft Steve wasn’t sure if Darcy would have even heard him. 

But then…

“Of course I came-” she answered, and the pain in her voice made Steve’s tongue turn dry in his mouth. 

And then Bucky was across the room and had wrapped her up in his arms. Steve watched as Darcy smiled against his shoulder as he held her tightly. 

And then, he walked away. 

* * *

She found him on the balcony later, anyone else might not have heard the door open or the sound of her breath as she stepped into the piercing night air.

“You should go back inside,” he said softly, turning his head only slightly to look at her, “It’s cold out here.” 

“Steve-” she said, ignoring his words as she moved towards him. 

He could see, even in the dim light from the windows above them, that her skin was pebbled from the chill. 

“You’ll catch a cold,” he said as he shrugged out of his jacket, a force of habit, and put it around her shoulders. 

He paused as he looked down at her before he reached out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear, another habit he had picked up in their time together. 

He debated, for half a second, before he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers because if nothing else at least he could have that. 

She responded in kind, her hands pulling him down closer, her fingers catching in the collar of his shirt; unrelenting. 

And then he pulled away, breathless, resting his forehead on hers. 

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly and he closed his eyes tightly against the words he knew were coming. “I wanted to tell you this-” 

She never got to say them. 

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice broke them apart and Steve turned quickly to see his friend standing in the doorway, back lit from the room behind him. 

“Buck-” 

“Save it-” the man snapped, “Just- Save it.” 

And then he turned on his heel and left. 

Steve watched him go, listening to Darcy’s ragged breathing from beside him. 

“Steve, I’m-” Darcy started as the door opened once more. 

“Darcy- They have found Jane,” Thor said and Darcy didn’t have to be told twice as she moved away from him. 

Steve couldn’t say that he blamed her. 

* * *

“I’ve got him,” Steve said to Pepper, shouldering Morgan just a little more. 

They had set up a monitoring center of sorts inside the tower, picking through the various emergency calls that came in whenever someone showed up. 

So far they had found Jane and T’Challa. 

The calls weren’t slowing down. 

“Are you sure?” Pepper asked. 

Steve smiled down at the sleeping toddler in his arms. “I’m sure, I’ll tuck him in, you keep waiting.” 

They were waiting on word about Peter. Steve could see it in the man’s shoulders even from across the room. 

Pepper smiled gratefully and Steve took the little boy towards the stairs that led up to their living quarters. 

He had made it to the hallway that led to the Stark’s private wing when he heard them. 

“You have to tell him,” a voice said, low and lethal. Natasha. 

“I will,” this was Darcy. “Just- not right now.” 

“Lewis-” Natasha’s tone left no room for arguments but Darcy was her friend. 

“No. I can’t just- Look, Nat. I don’t even know how to say that, especially not right now. Not in the midst of all of this-” 

“Tell him the truth. Tell him that-” 

“No-” Darcy’s voice was as terse as he had ever heard it before and he jerked a bit as Morgan stirred in his arms. “No, I can’t- I can’t right now.” 

“Why?”

“You  _ know _ why,” Darcy said lowly and if it weren’t for his enhancements, he never would have heard the words that came next. “I’ve made my choice, please respect it.” 

Steve moved then as he took Morgan up to his room, tucking the little boy in as he said he would. He smoothed down the boy’s locks of dark hair and turned on the star night light before he walked back down the stairs, into the elevator, and out of the tower. 

* * *

He went with the team to extract Sam- in Honolulu of all places. But he didn’t return to his apartment. To  _ their  _ apartment. 

Instead he crashed at the training facility upstate in the bedroom he had once occupied long ago. 

Wanda had returned, her eyes hollowed and lifeless and Steve couldn’t help but feel for her. To empathize. 

It wasn’t the same, he knew it, because Darcy was alive and well back in New York City. She had texted him once a day since he had left until he had shut off his phone, unable to handle the sharp sensation of pain anytime it chimed with her message. 

He had remembered something, from long ago, in his army days. 

When one of his comrades had fallen and suffered an injury the doctor had touted that he was lucky; a  _ clean break _ as it were. 

Steve only hoped that one day, Darcy would forgive him. 

Even if he would never forgive himself. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I'm sorry! 
> 
> Please don't hesitate to let me know how much you're breaking in the comments! I promise to get back to you! 
> 
> Also, since I'm fairly new to this fandom I was wondering, is there a secret group of darcy fic lovers? Shieldshock fans?   
> I would love to "meet" some more like minded fans!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh.   
> I love each and every one of you reading this!   
> I really love reading your comments! They make my day!! 
> 
> One of my besties made a beautiful aesthetic for this fic! Once I figure out how to share it, I will. (anybody have any tips for that?)
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

“You look like shit,” Darcy jumped slightly from where she had been sitting, staring at her phone as she saw Bucky leaning in the doorway. 

They had crossed paths occasionally over the past couple of weeks but he had kept his head down, his eyes fixated on other points. 

It had stung. 

But she understood. 

“Yeah, well, you’ve had better days,” she snapped before she could stop herself. 

The corner of his lips quirked at that before he strode into the room and sat down at the chair opposite her. 

They were silent, her phone between them like a chasm as she waited for something,  _ anything _ from Steve. 

“I missed you,” his words were sharp but gentle and she looked up at him in surprise. 

He smiled at her, that same slow sly smile he had reserved for her back in Wakanda. “I missed you too,” she choked. Because she had. 

She did. 

She missed their late night debates over the principles of modern horror films and the pranks they had pulled on other people together. She missed his laugh and his smile. She missed his friendship. “Then come back to me,” his voice was earnest as he reached out, pulling her hand into his. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand familiarly. And she knew how easy it could be. 

But it would never be easy. 

Not like breathing. 

Not for  _ them _ . They were two raging fires, consuming and burning up everything within their path. 

“I can’t-” she didn’t know she was crying until the words had left her in a sob and she hated herself in that moment. Hated the circumstances that made her look so- pitiful. 

“Steve,” Bucky said knowingly but there was no bite in his tone; no hateful pill to swallow. 

Darcy nodded her head before she let out a breath that hurt her lungs with it’s jagged edges. 

“I’m- I’m pregnant,” she finally said and she opened her eyes to meet his shocked gaze. 

There was a pause, a heavy moment, before he moved and she heard him swear under his breath before he swung around to crouch beside her. “I’m sorry Doll, I didn’t know.” 

She quirked her lips up at the familiar nickname before she shook her head, “How could you have known? You just got back.” 

“Did you tell him?” he asked and she can see the hardness in his gaze. 

“No,” she said quickly as she saw his train of thought. That Steve had known and had still left. “No, I didn’t- I was going to the day you came back.” 

She could see the tension release then and he reached out to take her hand in his, giving her fingers a light squeeze, “You need to tell him.” 

She scoffed as her eyes looked towards her phone. “How can I when he’s just gone?”

“He’s an idiot,” Bucky said and then he pulled his hand up, using his thumb to swipe at the stray tears on her cheek. “He’ll come around.” 

Darcy shook her head, “I’m not so sure this time.” 

Bucky grinned, “He will, doll. Don’t you worry bout a thing.” 

Darcy could see the gleam in his eye but she didn’t ask. 

And he didn’t tell. 

* * *

Bucky took the jet to the compound. 

Or, he convinced Natasha to take him on the jet to the upstate training facility. 

The reports had slowed down over the past week, of people showing up in random places. 

He could only hope that everyone had returned that would return. He had managed to get around talking about his time away. A shudder ran down his spine involuntarily at the thought and he pushed it back as he leaned back in his chair, letting his long legs spread out under the dash of the quinjet. 

“She told you,” Natasha said, her voice low and solid. 

Bucky merely grunted in response. 

The woman turned her head towards him, her hands not leaving the steering column, “They didn’t betray you.” 

The man scoffed. 

“They didn’t,” her voice was hard, rough, “you were gone. You  _ all _ were. And it took them both a long time to just…  _ be okay _ .” 

“Seemed just fine to me,” Bucky said finally and he didn’t mean for the amount of bitterness to leak through. 

Natasha breathed in, her lips tight, “James-” 

The man shook his head and cleared his throat, sitting up straight in his seat, “Don’t bother okay? Just- get me to Rogers.” 

The widow looked at him seriously but something in his face must have clued her in. She simply nodded and turned her head, readying them for landing. 

* * *

Steve was in the gym, sparring with Sam, when Bucky entered. He didn’t wait as he moved towards the mat and stood at the edge, his arms crossed and his shoulders set. 

The two men paused and took stock of him as Sam stood up, breathless, “You look like a damn hobo man, ever heard of a shower?”

Bucky grunted, “Ever heard of shutting your damn mouth?”  
The two men stared for a moment before Bucky saw the corner of Sam’s lips quirk. 

Sam turned to Steve, “I gotta run anyway, I’ll catch ya later man.” 

Steve nodded but let him go, turning the other way to move towards the bench on the side of the room. 

Bucky followed. 

They were silent as Steve wiped his brow and took a drink of his water before he turned to his friend; they had weight of so much on both of their shoulders. It had always been this way for them. Always a shared burden between the two. 

“Looks like you lost your sparring partner,” Bucky finally said, “Need me to step in?”

Steve was quiet for a moment, his eyes narrowed and Bucky knew what he was thinking, wondering what the hell he had up his sleeve, what kind of play he was making. He felt the bitter sting of the Winter Soldier then, that persona that would never  _ truly  _ leave him. Or perhaps Steve was thinking of Bucky Barnes, the asshole from Brooklyn. In any case the man finally let out a long, slow breath and shook his head, “Nah. Wouldn’t be fair. Uneven match. You’re out of practice; been gone too long.” 

Buck felt the punch to his gut as though his friend had taken a cheap shot straight to his kidneys. The double meaning of his words barely concealed behind the thin smirk his longtime friend sent his way. He’d been gone too long, that was the crux of it all. 

He took a step forward, without even thinking, and his hand reached up, pushing on Steve’s chest, sending the water bottle to the floor with a solid  _ thud _ . 

“What the hell Buck-” Steve started, his hand out and his mouth open before Bucky reached up again to push him once more, directing him back towards the mat. 

Steve reached up then, landing his own blow- though on to the metal plate that held his arm in place- and Bucky grunted before he reached up once more. 

Steve blocked it and the water bottle was forgotten as the pair moved together, a dance of blocks and blows. 

“What-” Steve grunted as Bucky got the upperhand and landed a punch to his friends chest- “The fuck are you doing-” 

“What I should have done to begin with.” Bucky said, his own breath ragged and clawing as he threw up his fist towards Steve’s jaw. “You think I wanted to go?” 

“No,” Steve spat as his hand grabbed Bucky’s, bringing him in close and using the forward momentum to topple the man over his shoulder. “I never said that.” 

Bucky grunted as he rolled his body, taking Steve’s arm with him, pinning the man to the mat below him. “Didn’t have to. You’re acting like I made a choice to leave and come back and you’re pissed-” 

Steve made a sound low in his throat, guttural and deep, before he twisted himself, something clicking in his shoulder before he and Bucky had switched places, the latter pinned to the mat now by Steve’s large bicep across his chest. “I’m not pissed.” 

Bucky scoffed but stopped fighting as Steve loosened his grip and sat back. 

“I’m not. I’m- I can’t make her choose. I can’t do that to her. I-” 

“You’re an idiot-” Bucky shook his head and opened his mouth just as the alarm sounded above them. 

“Hey, you two done?” Natasha’s low voice spoke over the intercom, “We’ve got a bit of a situation here.” 

* * *

They were going back to the tower. 

Steve stood in the back of the quinjet, his arms crossed and his lips pulled into that deep frown that seemed to be permanently etched into his lips. Bucky knew that frown, had seen it so often as a kid; Steve was thinking. Nothing good would ever come of the man getting too lost inside his own head but he wouldn’t make eye contact, his eyes focused instead on Tony’s face projected onto the screen. 

“And what about the stones? Does he have those still?” Steve asked through tight jaw. 

“You think I got all the answers? Just- just get here so we can end this.” Tony said before the screen was disconnected. 

Steve turned, his eyes meeting Bucky’s own for the barest of seconds before he turned away once more, asking their ETA. 

Bucky knew his friend well enough by now, to know what was going through his head, to know that his friend was stalling, distracting, looking for something else to focus on. 

He shook his head as they descended onto Stark Tower and Steve took the lead down the ramp, looking for Tony. Bucky fell back, knowing not to push now. Not yet. 

Steve was off the quinjet too quickly, his brow furrowed and his shoulders tense as he hurried down the ramp and into the tower. 

Bucky lagged behind, not really anticipating being welcome in the briefing, until Natasha spoke up, “Stark’s got a tac suit for you.” 

He nodded once, his eyes watching Steve’s retreating figure before he followed Natasha down the long hall and into the room, taking the fabric she pressed in to his arms. 

Once he was changed, he made his way towards the meeting room, only stopping when he bumped in to a small figure. 

“Hey,” he said softly as his hands reached out to catch Darcy’s shoulders, steadying her. 

“Hi- uh, Steve?”

“He’s with Stark,” Bucky said roughly, looking in to her worried blue eyes. “Want me to get him?”

“No,” she said quickly before she amended, “No, uh… I just, wanted to see if he was alright.” 

Bucky sighed, “He’s an idiot.” His voice was gruff but he saw the corners of her lips quirk up. “You should tell him.” 

Darcy nodded, “I will, I just-” 

She paused and closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, before she spoke, “He needs to do this, to end this and if he knows, he won’t be thinking straight. I need- I need him to do his best. To come back to me. To us.” 

Bucky nodded, “I’ll make sure that he does.” 

She smiled then, a sad sort of thing, “Thank you. For looking out for him, for- for understanding.” 

They were silent as they stood before Darcy reached out, tugging him closer before her fingers ran through his hair. It was a simple thing, something she had done so often in Wakanda as she pulled his hair back and away from his face before she slipped an elastic down and over the hair there. 

“Keep it out of your eyes,” she said softly as he pulled back slightly. 

“Thank you.” he said. 

She smiled and he breathed in as he took a chance, a brief moment to lean his forehead down, pressing it to hers. “You look out for yourself okay? When Steve gets back you tell him.” 

“What’re you-” 

“Just- don’t let him get into anymore trouble. Punk is a magnet for it.” 

She pulled back then, meeting his eyes, “What about you?”

“I think I’m gonna go back to Wakanda. I think- It’s where I need to be. Besides, Okoye has a soft spot for me,” 

She snorted, “She definitely does not.” 

Bucky grinned and straightened up, “You take care of yourself, and little James.” 

She laughed then and he realized, as he turned to walk away, that it was exactly what he needed to hear. Even if just one last time.

“Bucky-” she said softly as he reached the door and he turned his head over his shoulder. “I love you.” 

He gave her a lopsided smile then before he tipped his head, only once, “You too…” he paused, “Doll.” 

He moved back down the halls then, leaving Darcy in the west wing as he made his way towards the team of heroes waiting for him. 

He didn’t look back, not this time, so he didn’t notice the camera blinking red above her head. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you called it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie. This one is a tough one.
> 
> Maybe a trigger for some.   
> graphic mentions of violence, blood, and the like. 
> 
> If you prefer not to read, please let me know and I can give you a brief summary of what went down. 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own.   
> Please let me know how I did.   
> or if you're not okay.   
> or if you need to hold someone's hand.

The ride on the jet was tense as they made their way towards Thanos and the rag tag army he had somehow managed to amass.

Bucky could see the tendons in Steve’s neck flexing with the clenching of his jaw. 

“Hey,” he asked as he moved towards the man, “You okay?”

Steve turned his head a fraction of his inch, his lips pursed, before he nodded once, “Fine.” 

Bucky felt his brow furrow as he stared at his friend who was so blatantly lying to him. 

“Steve-” 

“I said I’m fine Buck, just drop it.” 

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, to tell him that he needed to watch his tone, before they started to land and it was all hands on deck. 

Steve was first out of the gate, hardly pausing to make sure everyone knew the plan before he was barrelling forward. Bucky watched, jumping in to cover his back occasionally, as Steve ran head first into the fray. 

“Sonofabitch,” Bucky said as he finished fighting some purple and gold alien creature with four arms, his eyes searching for Steve. 

“He’s already in the frontline,” Natasha spoke from beside him, barely sounding winded as she took down another two enemies. “He’s being reckless.” 

“I know,” Bucky said tightly, holding his arm up as something else came lunging at him. 

“You have to stop him,” Natasha said, “He’ll listen to you-” 

Bucky snorted as he dropped the foe at his feet, “You think he’s in any mood to listen to anything I have to say?”

“Barnes-” she said exasperatedly, “Just- keep him alive. Go, I’ll cover you.” 

He gave one tight nod before he hurried forward through the melee, passing the other team members as he went. 

He found him at the front line, his gloved hands stained with blood as he fought yet another enemy. 

Bucky huffed as he pushed himself faster and harder to reach the man just as another three enemies jumped in to line with him. Two had been enough for the man, three was a stretch and Bucky watched as the creatures started to turn the tables, getting the upper hand. He slid in beside his friend just as one raised a sharp and pointed weapon, knocking out the things knees. 

“I had it,” Steve grunted through gritted teeth. “Don’t  _ need your  _ help Buck.” 

“Like hell you don’t.” 

“Just- get back to Darcy-” the man said, “She’s already lost you once.” 

Bucky fended off another advance as he looked at Steve in confusion, “What the hell are you talking about? She doesn’t want me.” 

“I saw you,” Steve grunted, his shield hitting something with tentacles growing out of its chin. “Together. Tonight. On the cameras.” 

“And you thought-” Bucky let out a short breath of air that might have passed for a laugh if he wasn’t currently locked toe to toe with something that looked like it had crawled out of the nearest swamp.  “It’s not like that-” 

“Sure as hell,” Steve puffed, “Looked like it to me.” 

He pulled away then, leaving Bucky behind him as he threw himself even further into the fray. “What the hell Barnes,” Natasha’s voice said over the comms, “You tell him or I will.” 

“I got it,” he replied shortly as he powered forward to follow his friend. 

“Steve,” he called out, his voice rough as he watched his friend take down three more beings. 

He was taking too many chances, being too reckless, and it dawned on him then, as he watched his friend fight, that he was giving up. 

“Dammit,” he swore before he called out once more, “ _ Steve. _ ” 

The man didn’t stop fighting as he looked over his shoulder and Bucky sighed, “ _ You’re  _ the one that needs to get home. Darce needs  _ you _ .” 

“Oh yeah?” Steve breathed through his comm, the sound of his shield slicing through the air towards its target. 

“Yeah,” Bucky breathed quietly, hoping his friend would listen. 

Would  _ hear  _ him. 

“Steve, Darcy needs you. Your baby needs you. Steve,you’re gonna be a  _ dad _ .” 

There was a moment, a glimpse of a second, that Bucky wasn’t sure if Steve had heard him before he saw the man turn, his eyes wide as he looked towards him for affirmation of what he had heard. 

Bucky started to nod, to tell him he was sure, just as another creature pounced and Bucky yelled out in warning a few seconds too late. 

* * *

Steve was falling and for the first time in his life he could understand what they meant about a lifetime flashing before your eyes. 

Voices called out, both over the comm that was lodged in his ear, and outloud. Both sounded muffled as though he had plunged, headfirst into a lake. 

Pain lanced through his midsection and he felt like he had been ripped in half before it was gone and Buck’s face was hovering over him. 

A dad. 

_ Dad.  _

A baby. 

The thought made his heart beat faster and his head swim. 

“No,” Bucky called out, “You don’t get to do this asshole. Stay here. For me. For Darce- Steve-” 

His hand moved of its own accord, pressing on the gaping wound in his middle as he felt the hot slick of blood beneath his finger tips. 

There was so much he wanted to say but he felt the gargle of blood moving up his throat, constricting his air, choking him. 

“Stop-” Bucky said and his hand was there, wiping at his mouth, clearing it, taking care of him. 

He would be a good dad. 

_ Dad.  _

_ Darcy.  _

“You,” he gagged and he coughed, feeling the trickle of warmth on his lips, down his chin. “You, take care-” 

“ _ No _ ,” Bucky’s voice was hard, his lips a firm, thin line, “You ain’t goin’ anywhere.” 

And Steve knew his friend, knew him well enough to know that Bucky was nothing if not optimistic. He could feel himself getting lighter and heavier at the same time. Could feel the pain beginning to ebb as coldness began to take it's place. 

Even he knew, in his severed state, that it wasn’t good. 

“Buck-” he sputtered, reaching out to grasp the man’s collar with the last of his energy reserves. “Please.”

“No, no, no, no. You can’t do this. You always make it punk, you can’t. She needs you.  _ I  _ need you. You’re- you’re gonna be a _dad_.” 

Steve felt his conscious slipping away; like the lake was finally pulling him under. Muffling his senses. 

But he knew enough. Enough to hear Darcy’s voice, telling her that she loved him; to feel her lips press against his. He thought he could smell her as he felt the heavy weight settle on his eyelids, begging them to close. He knew then, just as he had all those months ago, Darcy Lewis wasn’t his to have. 

She never was. 

With a shake of his head he let himself go, his hand slipping from his best friends collar before he spoke, “You are.” 

* * *

Darcy found herself walking the halls of the tower, her stomach rolling with each heavy step she took. She knew she should find her way back; back to the control room, back to her private suite, back home. Instead she kept walking.

She had sat in the control center for what had felt like an eternity, her hand laced tightly with Pepper’s as they both watched and listened to the sounds of the battle. But then it had been too much. She could hardly hear anything over the sounds of slicing flesh and breaking bones. 

So she had stood up and walked out. Knowing Pepper would find her, if she needed to. 

That Friday would lead them to her. 

And she walked. 

She was sure her feet were hurting, swollen with hormones and pressing against her shoes with each step as she continued on but she couldn’t feel it. She was numb. Numb and unable to stop. Because if she did, if she was still for even a moment she knew she would think and if she thought…

Well that wasn’t a road she wanted to go down. 

She had just made another round of the floor, her eyes wandering to the lights of the city that seemed to twinkle with mirth through the glass before her and she hated it. Hated all of New York for continuing to live while so much hung in the balance. Because she was going to lose them both. She could feel it and the thought of it made her shoulders tense and her throat tighten. 

She batted it away but it was too little, too late as she hurried through the halls to the nearest restroom. 

She didn’t stop as she bolted through the door and found the nearest toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach into the basin. 

She was on her third heave when she heard the heavy door open and the patter of heels against porcelain. 

“Darcy-” Pepper said and Darcy knew from just that word. 

“Who is it?” 

Pepper’s lips were tight, her eyes guarded. 

Not Tony then. 

Her stomach revolted again but she had nothing left. 

“ **_Who?_ ** ” 

The door opened again and she looked up as she met his eyes.

His wild, frantic eyes. 

Later she would think about how different it felt from the first time. 

When she had lost Bucky she had screamed and cried as though her heart had exploded from her chest. 

When she looked up and saw his brown eyes, his face splattered with blood and his hands caked in it, she  _ knew.  _

But she couldn’t scream, she couldn’t beg, she couldn’t even breathe. 

Bucky was talking, his mouth moving and she could feel Pepper’s hands on her, pulling her up but she couldn’t hear anything. It was like the world had stopped and sped up at the same time. Like she wasn't sure which way was up anymore. Her whole body ached under the pressing weight of grief and all she wanted to do was lay down to stop. She wanted- she needed- 

“Hey. Darce-” Bucky was in her face then, his hands on her arms, his voice firm, “Breathe.” 

She shook her head, “I- I can’t-” 

“He’s here,” he said quickly, his voice firmer even still, “We got him back, They’re- they’re working on him.” 

“He’s here,” she repeated. 

“Let’s go to the med bay,” Pepper said softly and Darcy felt like she was missing something, some way to make her feet move because she needed to be closer to him. Closer to Steve but- 

“Come on,” Bucky said and he reached out his hand and Darcy ignored the stains that lined his fingers, blood that had ran through Steve’s veins that was now on his fingertips. Blood that was coursing inside of her. In the tiny little being they had made. 

And she nodded, letting her feet move. 

Because she needed to be there. 

“In, out” she reminded herself to breathe, “Right, left.” 

Because if she stopped. If she thought about how her world was falling out from under her, she knew she would never be okay again. 

* * *

_ Blood.  _

_ Pain.  _

_ Darcy.  _

_ Baby.  _

Steve’s thoughts were muddled. Jumbled. 

He just wanted to think of something. He saw her eyes, blue and laughing and he could hear it, the sound of a baby crying. 

But he couldn’t stay. 

Darcy. 

He hoped she could forgive him. 

One day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. 
> 
> It's not over yet folks. 
> 
> Just give it a moment. 
> 
> Also, any good story recs? I'm going back to school, I'm a preschool teacher, a mom and a photographer and I could really use some good stories to read on my (minimal) down time!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for the delay! School started back up and well, I had a lot more to fix on this than I thought I did!

He came to slowly and all at once. His eyelids were heavy, as though weighted down against his cheeks and he had to work hard to open them. His throat screamed in protest as he swallowed thickly against the sandpaper in his mouth. His body ached as he blinked against the soft yellow light that was radiating around him. 

“Hey,” came a voice, soft and barely above a whisper and he turned his head slowly to see Bucky standing up from the chair by his bed, moving closer, “You’re awake.” 

As his eyes adjusted he took in the surroundings, the hospital bed and iv pole to his right and beyond that the still, sleeping mass under a scratchy and starched white blanket. 

“You- you scared us,” Bucky said again and if he hadn’t been listening, he might not have heard it. “She hasn’t left the room since they let us in.” 

Steve looked back to the mass on the uncomfortable looking couch. Darcy. 

He felt his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth, his jaw clicking as he clenched it. 

“You love her,” he finally said and it came out thick and strangled. But not accusing. 

Bucky nodded, “I do.” 

“And she loves you,” Steve said, his eyes drifting back to where he could now make out Darcy lying on top of the cushions, her hair a mess around her head. 

Bucky shrugged, “Not as much as she loves you.” 

Steve was silent, “I don’t deserve her.” 

“And you think I do?” the other man scoffed. “I’m not going to get into the logistics but what she and I had… it’s not- you have something different with her. She loves you and that’s the end of it. We weren’t- we weren’t made for each other. Not like the two of you.” 

Steve watched his friends face as he spoke. There was no anger, no malice behind his words just a sort of reconciled introspection. 

“I can’t lose you-” Steve spoke softly, not wanting to wake up the woman on the couch but wanting to get the words out. “Not again, not after-” 

Bucky laughed then, his lips quirking up at the corner, “You think you could? Punk it’s gonna take a lot more than this to get rid of me.” he sobered for a second before he looked back at him, his blue eyes serious- “You’re my best friend but you can’t do this anymore. You can’t leave her like that. I can’t- I love you Steve but I love her too and if you  _ hurt  _ her-” 

Steve swallowed, because he knew it. He had given up instead of hurting her. Instead of hurting his best friend. It had seemed easier, throwing himself into the fray; to lose himself that way. Sure Darcy would hurt, Bucky too, but in the end they would have each other.  “I won’t- Not again.” 

The pair were silent as they stared, a quiet promise settling over the two of them before Bucky moved, around the bed and over to the sleeping form. He leaned down, pushing the wild snarl of hair out of her eyes and smiled down at her as she stirred, “Hey, Your Sleeping Beauty is awake.” 

Darcy sat upright quickly, her eyes moving to Steve who gave her a weak smile as she met his gaze. 

He watched as she breathed, a heavy sort of sigh from deep in her lungs before she stood to cross over to him. “Thank God.” 

“I didn’t even have to kiss him,” the man supplied and he threw a wink at Steve over her shoulder as she sat on the edge of Steve’s bed and leaned in to hug him gently to her. 

There was a moment, as she pulled back from him, her cheeks tear stained and her eyes puffy and bloodshot, and Steve realized she was the most beautiful thing in the world. His hand reached out, tugging on the ends of her hair gently, “I’m sorry sweetheart.” 

“Just...don’t do it again. I can’t- I can’t do this alone,” she said softly. 

He reached out, slowly and hesitantly to place his large palm against her stomach letting the warmth fill him as he smiled, “I won’t.” 

“I’m serious,” she said, her own hand coming to hold on to his, “You can’t rush headfirst in to danger like that. It’s not just me anymore and-” 

“Darcy-” 

“And if you leave me it’s one thing but you can’t leave this- you can’t-” 

“Darcy,” he said, his words firm and commanding; his  _ Captain America _ voice as Nat would call it. “I’m not leaving you anymore. Ever. The world- the world can do without me but I- I can’t live without you. Either of you.” 

“But what does that mean? What about the team and-” 

He gave an easy shrug, holding back the wince when he felt the pain radiate through his midsection, “They’ll have to find someone else.” 

She bit her bottom lip as she stared at him and he flipped his hand, linking their fingers together before he brought it up to kiss her palm. 

“I’m not going anywhere and if you’ll have me, I’d like to prove it to you sweetheart.” 

With a wet chuckle she nodded and leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. He linked his hand through her hair, holding her to him; breathing her in. 

“I hope you know that’s not going to fly for a proposal,” she said after a minute, her voice breathy and teasing. 

Steve laughed as he pulled back only enough to press his lips to hers. 

* * *

  
Bucky was sweating, blood was trickling down his forehead and into his eye when the quinjet finally landed and he limped off. 

“She’s going to murder you,” Steve’s voice was a welcome sound, drowning out the residual sounds of gunshots and fighting that seemed to be ringing in his ears. 

“Ah, she won’t kill me, she’d miss me too much,” he said as he accepted the wet cloth someone pressed into his hands. 

“Don’t put it past her,” Natasha said lowly as she passed him on the ramp, smiling at Steve, “Pretty sure Steve here only lasted because of my intervention.” 

“One time,” the man protested. “One damn time.” 

“It was a close one,” Bruce said unhelpfully from his position across the room. 

Bucky grinned as he slid his arm out of his shirt sleeve and pushed his fingers up to his press his shoulder back into place with a low ‘pop’ before accepting the shirt Steve held out to him. 

“In any case, you guys cut it too close and my phone has been blowing up for the past-” 

“Half hour? Ours too, she broke into the comms too,” Bucky said then with a look over his shoulder asked, “How sure are we she  _ isn’t _ related to Tony?”

Steve merely shook his head as they headed out of the sliding doors together while Bucky did up his buttons. 

The others would be behind them soon enough and Bucky let Steve lead him. The man was nervous, his shoulders tense and his jaw set. 

“Hey punk,” he said as the passed into the elevator and the doors slid shut behind them.  “What’s wrong?”

Steve was silent, his eyes watching the numbers as they slowly slid down before he ducked his head and blew out a breath. 

“It just- do you ever feel like something is too good to be true?” 

Bucky gave a snort of a laugh at that but then he looked at his friend, saw the conflict in his eyes, a storm growing in the distance, “You’re not getting cold feet are ya?”

“No. God no,” Steve said quickly and then he shuffled his feet, “It’s just- sometimes I wake up and I’m scared to open my eyes because I think I’m gonna be back in that ice. I have to reach out and feel for Darcy’s hand so I know she’s really there. I just- can’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop.” 

Bucky swallowed thickly, his own eyes darting up to the numbers to see they were almost to their floor. He took a deep breath before he spoke, steadying himself. “Every damn day, now and  _ before _ -” he didn’t need to explain he meant before Thanos had come along, snapped his damn fingers and turned their world upside down. Steve knew. They all did. 

“So what do you do?” Steve asked and for a second he was that small kid back in Brooklyn who wouldn’t back down from a fight, who cried when his mama passed and noticed the pretty flowers that Bucky never did. 

“I didn’t tell her I loved her,” Bucky said lowly, “Darcy. Before, I didn’t- she thought it was because of my problems and hell, maybe part of it was but it was more than that. It was because I didn’t want to get too attached. I didn’t want to let myself love her because if I woke up and realized it was just a dream then what was it all for?” 

“So, what you’re saying that I don’t get attached?” Steve gave a dry laugh, “I think it’s a little too late for that.” 

“No you knucklehead, I’m saying  _ get attached _ . Dive in. Kiss her every morning and dance in your kitchen while you’re cooking. Tell her you love her and- and  _ show  _ it because if it’s all a dream then I can promise you this, it’s worth it. She’s worth it.” 

Steve stared at him for a minute as the elevator came to a stop, “It should be you,” he finally whispered. 

Bucky shrugged, “Maybe. But it’s not. It’s you. And her. It always was meant to be you and her. Besides, I’m too busy saving the world.” 

The last was said with a smirk as the doors slid open and Steve rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. 

Because he was right about that and Steve knew it. 

And as he stood behind Steve as he and Darcy said their vows to each other, the only thing between them the soft swell of their unborn child, Bucky knew he was exactly where he was meant to be. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I know some of you REALLY wanted wintershieldshock (I think that's right) but it was never meant to go that way and I just couldn't change it. 
> 
> I have another couple of works well, in the works, at the moment but I try not to post until they're all the way done (so as to avoid long waits in updates as above.) I hope you stick around to check them out!!


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